FAQ: Marriage, Dating, And Divorce Tuesday, February 14, 2012

MARRIAGE - DATING

59. Can Muslims have boyfriends/girlfriends or date?

Our understanding from the Qur’an and Hadith (prophetic sayings) is that people should avoid situations, relationships, or actions that might lead to a violation of the principle that couples should abstain from physical or sexual intimacy until after marriage.

60. Are Muslims allowed to marry people of other faiths?

Traditionally, Muslim men are allowed to marry women who are from the “People of the Book,” generally defined as Christians and Jews. In this case, a Muslim husband must guarantee the right of his Christian or Jewish wife to worship God according to her religious beliefs.

The reverse, i.e., a Muslim woman marrying a man outside her religion, has traditionally not been allowed on the grounds that her husband might not guarantee her the right to practice her religion, since he may not to have the same obligation to respect her religion that a Muslim has towards his Christian or Jewish wife. Therefore, for the protection of her freedom of religion, a Muslim woman has traditionally been required to marry a man who will give her the right to practice her faith—that is, a Muslim.

Today, especially in areas where Muslims live as minorities, there is growing diversity in both theory and practice on this issue.

61. How do Muslims get married?

Marriage ceremonies among Muslims, like marriage ceremonies everywhere, vary widely in different locales and cultures. However, the actual Islamic marriage ceremony generally includes the bride and groom, the bride’s father or guardian, an officiator, and two witnesses. The religious ceremony includes the marriage proposal and acceptance and the presenting of a gift called mahr by the groom to the bride. Wedding celebrations after the religious ceremony vary widely from culture to culture, but generally involve food, special clothing, and some type of celebration. In some societies, there may be several days of celebration before or after the wedding.

62. Are arranged marriages condoned in Islam?

This depends on what one means by “arranged marriage” and on the culture one is describing.

If by “arranged marriage” one means simply that a couple first meets through referrals by family or friends (“matchmaking”) and then is free to choose to marry or not, this is still a common practice among Muslims, although increasingly young Muslims, like young people of any other religion, are meeting in school, at work, or online.

If, however, “arranged marriage” refers to a situation in which a person (this impacts both men and women, but is generally associated only with women) is forced into a marriage against his or her will, then many contemporary Muslims cite prophetic sayings that uphold a woman’s right to accept or reject a marriage proposal.

63. Is it true that Muslim men can marry more than one woman?

Monogamy is the ideal in marriage, as reflected in God’s creation of life in pairs of male and female, according to the account given in various Qur’anic verses. The vast majority of Muslims today are monogamous. While it is permitted for Muslim men to marry more than one wife, it is with the condition that he treat his wives equally, a standard that even the Qur’an warns is difficult to achieve, clearly implying a preference for monogamy.

The Qur’an modified but allowed the continuation of the existing practice of polygamy 1400 years ago in the context of war, when caring for orphans was a major concern. Polygamy was not peculiar to the Arabian Peninsula; it was widespread in many cultures, including that of ancient Israel as portrayed in the Hebrew Bible, where many of the Patriarchs are described as having multiple wives and Israelite kings had harems numbering in the hundreds. Today polygamy is mainly practiced in the Gulf States and Africa where it is more culturally acceptable than in other Muslim societies.

64. Can women marry more than one man?

Women are not permitted to marry more than one man (polyandry). Since polygamy was permitted in the context of war, when caring for orphans was a major concern, this purpose would not be served by polyandry.

DIVORCE

65. What is the Islamic view of divorce?

While divorce is allowed and the Qur’an describes the different steps to be taken in a divorce, there is a Hadith (prophetic saying) describing divorce as “the most hated lawful thing,” because it breaks up the family. The Qur’an also urges couples considering divorce to first make use of counseling and mediation. However, if these attempts fail, divorce as a last option is allowed and may, in some situations, be the best outcome.

66. Can women initiate a divorce?

While the Qur’an describes situations where women can initiate divorce, the ease with which she can do so is often informed by interpretations or practices of Islam that vary widely from country to country. In some Muslim-majority countries, a woman can get a divorce relatively easily while in other countries it is much more difficult.

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